My story (The Shadow)

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My story (The Shadow)

Post  Wish on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:02 am

The Shadow

One cold winter's night, a dark, evil had corrupted the entire world in an instant... yet nobody knew it...
Biryusinsk, a peaceful town in Russia. It became a wasteland over night and everyone within the town vanished... not one single damn person knew why. Who am I? name is Zack Woodland and here's my story of a nightmare that no being would dream upon.

- 2 hours after the Biryusinsk incident -

"So your awake?" I heard faintly... "How are you feeling?". My head pounded and I felt so weak that I could barely move a finger. "Where am I?" I replied. "In a safe place" he told me. I sat up and looked around, I was in a dark secluded room and I had no idea how I got here. "Do you remember the darkness?" he spoke. My headache suddenly lashed out and it felt like something was dissolving inside my head! I had had a flashback of something terrible, I couldn't figure out what, but it scared the living hell out of me. "So It's true" he said. "You are the one that will free us from the darkness". "What? who are you?" I replied. "I am known as "Death".

This is just the start of the story and I intend to finish it. What do u guys think? Smile

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Elecktr on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:15 am

Its quite good , i cant wait for next part I love you

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  phoenix on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:23 am

lol e-lecktr i'm sure you hate it :p

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  slay3r on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:36 am

its too intense for me to read it all. sorry Sad
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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Napalm* on Fri Dec 10, 2010 1:17 am

phoenix wrote:lol e-lecktr i'm sure you hate it :p

wtf.?

Im not very good with english but that seems to be good. I tryed many times to write a story xD but i never finished anyone
I hope youll finish this one
GL

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Bitchy on Fri Dec 10, 2010 7:32 am

Looks good but i recommend that if you are gonna have alot of lines where people say things try to put them on new lines instead of quotes, its much easier to read. since the text becomes less compact.

BlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablabla
BlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablabla
- Someone says something.
- Someone replies.

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  DriftWood on Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:03 am

A Good start.

Couple of story hooks were already cast in at the first ten or so lines.
There is no way of knowing which way the story will develope. Loads of questions come to mind, but I wont ask any of them at this point. Smile Good luck getting the story to the end.

-Drift

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Czaki on Fri Dec 10, 2010 4:50 pm

Bitchy wrote:Looks good but i recommend that if you are gonna have alot of lines where people say things try to put them on new lines instead of quotes, its much easier to read. since the text becomes less compact.

BlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablabla
BlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablablaBlablabla
- Someone says something.
- Someone replies.
Noob Bitchy .. thats how they make dialogues there in England .. its gay but they do it that way :X
and btw looks nice .. hope rest will be even better ;P
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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Wish on Fri Dec 10, 2010 5:29 pm

Thanks for the feedback guys Smile

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  predator on Fri Dec 10, 2010 6:18 pm

id rly like to hear more about his adventures...some erotic touch could be included ye:)??)?)?)?)

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  phoenix on Fri Dec 10, 2010 7:39 pm

Napalm* wrote:
phoenix wrote:lol e-lecktr i'm sure you hate it :p

wtf.?

Im not very good with english but that seems to be good. I tryed many times to write a story xD but i never finished anyone
I hope youll finish this one
GL

I don't say i don't like Wink

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Ruben0s on Fri Dec 10, 2010 7:50 pm

Is the person in your story a BOY or a GIRL?. If its a boy then predator is gay Very Happy

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Wish on Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:53 pm

Well Ruben ive never heard of a girl named Zack Very Happy ahahaha

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  BadBest on Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:56 pm

Nice start and btw dont listen to our advices like preda's 1 then ur story will be very weird :S

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Bananas on Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:02 pm

nice start,seems like a french fable introduction

Dont listen bitchy he's nerd,but you can listen predator,he got good ideas

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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  Ruben0s on Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:16 pm

The voice said " can you tell me a bit more about yourself". Zack responded and said "Well, I am gay and attracted to wheelchair boys and I love hairy asses". Zack continued and started to talk about his sexlife ..........................................................

I hope this turns you on predator/bananas Very Happy


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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  slay3r on Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:36 pm

yes it did Embarassed
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Re: My story (The Shadow)

Post  HARDY on Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:47 am


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